It’s also my habit to do something 90 percent then put off finishing the last 10 for a while. I don’t think it’s entirely my fault that I lost momentum, but the circumstances add up.
Most importantly, having put the presentation and event together, I have reconciled the function of performativity to me. I recognise how important it is and can be, but I can’t bring myself to prioritise it because I simply prefer to put something else ahead of this. That's why I like studying at the nlb, where I'm actually just doing the job. I went again yesterday and did some studying on the seal designs and felt my skills improve.
Had a conversation with I yesterday about performances and repeated what I often say from my hr experiences. She said that now we are results oriented, as in society, and I said no, we are never results oriented but performance oriented. It’s about showing, and it’s about being seen. End of the year bonuses at work, are termed performance bonus, and the feedback is a performance review or ranking, and so on. It’s not called an output bonus or productivity bonus is it. Although I think just changing the term will have impact on society I think.
Anyway, there are people in the world who go for that and are good at that. Maybe that’s the game that everybody else is playing nowadays and that is mainstream. But I've never really been mainstream all my life so it's just to know what I really want.
I have been thinking hard about that these few days, since I had other discussions over meetings earlier this week on what I really want. Cue the spice girls’ song in my head. I think what I really want to is advance the uplifting effect of art and learning about art on life. Need a more precise term for uplifting but it’s an ethical and value laden interpretation or limitation of what kind of art I want to advance. Art that makes people more mindful and nice and happier and balanced and all. Art by people who love art. Not art by people who wanna use it for selfish means or other means. Art by people who love art be it politically partisanal or whatever. Picasso was also politically charged.
So IS is very good what. It has helped me reconcile and define these.
Because I love something, I must disagree with people who dislove these things.
Anyway it’s ok let’s not not move on. There’s a lot of things to do.